Who Even Are These Guys?: Bachelorette Week 2
We’re off to a rocky start with this episode. No rose ceremony under our belt. We only know who very few of the guys are—and so do Gabby and Rachel. What do you do when you’re dating 29 guys and don’t know half of their names? Speedo pageant. Naturally.
It’s giving Clare Crawley strip-dodgeball. A lot of forced skin. Most of the guys seem tongue and cheek about the whole thing, doing push-ups and pull-ups on bunk beds, rubbing themselves in baby oil, and stuffing their small swimsuits. From an audience perspective, the blue shower robes they’re given until “show time” do give an added break from the almost-nudity to give the segment a bit less ick, but it’s still there. JASON chooses to wear some privacy shorts and I love that the show doesn’t make a big deal out of that like in years past. And while I do agree the pageant might have been Gabby and Rachel’s idea to get to know the guys in bulk, the specific wardrobe styling has the name of producers all over it. The women seem very into it.
The theme of the evening is sex. Gabby and Rachel enthusiastically holler about the group’s upcoming nudity, insisting each man show “front and back.” The prize for best performance (or body) is more “intimate time” as Rachel puts it. Not great for the non-objectification argument.
LOGAN starts off the group, our first contestant to openly admit he’s perusing a relationship with both women, as opposed to RYAN who writes Rachel’s name on his chest. QUINTON wears what can only be described as a horrible neon green flosser. I think TINO sums up the vibe of the date perfectly. “So many butts.”
JACOB turns out to be pretty funny, giving mortgage advice in a pair of fake glasses. JAMES (MEATBALL) appropriately rubs himself in tomato sauce and tries to lick it off his hands seductively as the girls scream for him to stop.
The question portion of the event ranges from “how many serious relationships have you been in” to “Hufflepuff or Gryffindor,” showing a great range of serious to silly that’s important when trying to weed through a group of 29 men.
Kaitlyn was right about one thing. “I think Rachel and I find a lot of the same guys attractive, and there’s some overlap,” Gabby admits, but they are “allowing themselves some space to kind of figure it out together.” At the question posed to JOHNNY “If you could kiss one of us right now, which would it be?” his “both” is met with smiling cheek kisses from both the girls.
As Rachel told Jimmy Kimmel after last week’s episode “We came into this such good friends, and I think we always put our friendship above all. I mean, they’re guys. Of course, she’s going to come first. But we really just spoke to each other.”
In my opinion, the girls have bigger problems. The guys. Mentality Coach CHRIS’ performance was fine, getting all the guys involved in his “We Will Rock You” basketball serenade, but it’s what he said after that leaves bad vibes. He called himself an “Alpha” and alludes to him being the only obvious choice to win the challenge and afterparty invite, backtracking that “some people don’t need to go because they already know how they feel” when he doesn’t get it.
At the After Party, JASON marks his intentions on Gabby, rejecting Rachel, leading to a line of bland conversations and overwhelming self-doubt.
“It feels like these guys are just having friendly small talk that you could have with your cousin,” Rachel jokes and she’s not wrong. She looks absolutely bored out of her mind in some of the convos. And then, feeling vulnerable, she makes out with LOGAN after (what I would call) an empty compliment meant to grab a rose. He absolutely knows what he’s doing, kissing Gabby and telling the guys he saw the girls fighting over him. Not the move.
When Rachel tells Gabby about her kiss with LOGAN, Gabby’s eyes go wide, treading carefully as she asks if Rachel is into him. The discomfort between them is already happening. But Rachel says she will back down if Gabby likes him, favoring their friendship over boy drama, which I’m definitely here for. The question is if they’ll be honest with each other.
I love that JORDAN V. got the first 1-on-1 with Rachel. I really saw their connection on Night 1, so I’m excited. They do the zero-gravity date from Nick Viall’s season. The whole situation makes me feel pretty old because not too many other viewers remember that the majority of their date was Nick comforting Vanessa as she vomited. Not sure I’d find the precedence any comfort while we ascended, but they look cute kissing while floating in the air, like a romantic space movie.
The episode then cuts to CHRIS and his ticket home: slut shaming the girls if they want to explore multiple relationships in the Fantasy Sweet. Not only did that give off Season 15 Luke P. vibes, but he has an unattractive arrogance about their connections that haven’t even started yet. Major ick. Night 2, he’s talking about dumping Gabby or Rachel if they sleep with someone else over two months from now. And the men come for him, absolutely shocked by his statements, trying to give him the opportunity to go back on his statements, only for CHRIS to reiterate that he would essentially see them as “used-good” if they slept with someone else. Does anyone want to tell him about last season’s finale? HAYDEN looks like a deer in the headlights. CHRIS is incredibly controlling and blunt in his tone, trying to shut them down.
Our first real first impression from NATE is a fantastic one, speaking ups for the girls. “You can not have pre-conditions to love. It’s just a form of control that a lot of men just don’t realize they do that damages good women,” he explains to the group of men, and the universe rewards him with Gabby’s first 1-on-1 date.
Cut back to Rachel and JORDAN V’s first date, she is surprisingly not into it. He’s a nice guy but she can feel in her gut it’s not him, as he sits at the table alone having just opened up about his parent’s divorce. Not super fun. She’s crying. He’s worried. She sends him home, the band meant for their classic-Bachelor post-dinner dance continuing on in the background. Awkward.
These girls know what they want. That much is certain.
Nate gets a kiss before he and Gabby even make it onto the plane for their date. Followed by a classic Bachelor helicopter ride and hot tub date. Looks like he picked up some plane etiquette from his BFF Pilot Pete (and Dustin). The episode is hitting us with all the classics.
Gabby is the first to cry on the date, thinking back to the challenging relationship with her mother, never feeling wanted or loved, expressing her connection to NATE. He gives off happy nervous nerdy energy and I am here for it, reassuring her that a guy she met three days ago can someday love her.
The first rose ceremony brings a lot of anxiety for the men—and for me honestly. When the guys bring up CHRIS’ outburst to Rachel, she is caught off guard by the game-talk so early on, and the sexualizing of her and Gabby. As she should be.
“When I came into this, I didn’t want to look like a girl that just got brought to Fantasy Sweets, almost sexualized in a way,” Rachel says, visibly upset. Upon further discussion with Gabby, it sounds like CHRIS hasn’t even talked to either of them yet. I have absolutely no idea what could have logically processed him to give an ultimatum at this point. Screen time? But the first set of villains never lasts long at the mansion. His behavior is possessive and controlling and weird. I’m only surprised that they let him speak first before sending him home. I’m sure everyone else in America was also stunned by his straight-out audacity. Gabby and Rachel shut him down immediately and then hug, commending each other on how they didn’t back down. Girl power! I am thoroughly impressed.
He then disrespects Gabby and Rachel by waltzing back in, expecting to hide(?) and the other men to cower at what they’ve done. But when Gabby and Rachel storm the conversation, reiterating that he’s been eliminated and needs to vacate the premises, NATE ushers him off the pool deck (another NATE win in my book).
At the rose ceremony, Jesse reiterates that if a contestant does not receive a rose they must leave “immediately.” That’s a first.
ROSES: Logan, Johnny, Nate, Jason, Aven, Erich, Zack, Jordan, Quincy, Michael, Tino, Jacob, Tyler, Termayne, Hayden, James, Kirk, Spencer, Alec, Ethan, and Mario.
Not gonna lie, RYAN is sent home and I am heartbroken. He was going to be my new Kenny. And he seemed so disappointed. I really did see a connection between him and Gabby. Not final rose material necessarily, but maybe Top 5.
I’m excited for next week. Despite their claimed ignorance, these women know what they’re doing. They know what they want. And I’m going to watch all of it.
