Gen Ex: The Ultimatum: Queer Love, Netflix

Similar to the 2008 writers strike, with WGA and SAG-AFTRA both living their best hot-labor-summer, studios like Netflix have turned to reality tv as a way to keep viewers occupied in noticeable content drought. “Vanderpump Rules” “scandroval” drama took over headlines for weeks. The internet was in uproar after “Below Deck” producers had to step in to prevent an assault on set. “Claim to Fame” taught Gen Z who Donny Osmond was. And Season 2 of Netflix “Love is Blind” cinematic universe spinoff, “The Ultimatum,” put queer love and representation on everyone’s screens.

Unlike the original the cast is older, more transparent with their partners, and ready to date around. Filmed at the same time as Season 3 (the straight version), they have a new host, JoAnna Garcia Swisher. I don’t know the significance of the choice. It feels completely random. There isn’t a story of connection ultimatums like Nick and Vanessa Lachey have shared do in their own relationship past.

I really appreciated the open conversations around gender expression, sexuality, race, and religion had in this season. When making a “queer version” of a tv show a la “Are You the One” Season 8, it’s important to show how the community is different. Why have a whole queer season? Why does it matter? Show it. This series did that, and more. Cast members hosted events for NYC pride and have become voices in the national queer community, using their platform from the show.

Given that the show concept is based on two separate “trial marriages,” I thought I’d show my opinions on the 10 couples created out of this experience:

THE OGS

Couple 1: Xander and Vanessa (4yrs)

They met in high school, before coming out, because their boyfriends were best friends. Five years later, they met again, out, and started a relationship. For Xander this felt serendipitous, but Vanessa was very obviously just having fun. She never wanted a long term relationship in the first place. From the very start, when they’re only just meeting each other, she’s incredibly flirty, even with Xander’s arm around her. It’s very off-putting.

Vanessa’s connection with Lexi came out of nowhere, whereas I always knew Rae and Vanessa would make good friends. Meanwhile Xander and Yoli have such a connection, physically and emotionally and what they want in life. They feel it. I love Xander opening up. Vanessa was only falling apart because the breakdown of the fantasized illusion of their relationship with Xander. They like being the priority. Once in their own trial marriage, Vanessa takes Xander in a hot air balloon, jealous and longing after they found someone else. I 100% saw their breakup coming. It makes Vanessa’s actions all teh more cruel. Her mind never changed. It was never going to. She just wanted to feel wanted again, to do the heart breaking, and I felt physical pain for Xander.

Couple 2: Yoly and Mal (3yrs)

Yoly’s is a stylist at Barney’s. They met at pride. They talk about marriage, but Mal wants financial security. Yoly wants kids now. Mal feels like Yoly falls in love with everyone, but wants her to be sure. And time shows that, yes, Yoly does fall for someone else.

Yoly is literally crying once back with Mal, missing Xander and their shared routine, admittedly mourning their relationship while forced to be with Mal. It’s not surprising to me that Mal cannot really get over Yoly’s love for Xander and that betrayal in their relationship. That’s what she’s feared all along. There was so much planning between Xander and Yoly. Mal proposes and Yoly says yes, but I’m not surprised when it doesn’t last.

Couple 3: Lexi and Rae (3yrs)

They started as a hookup and but they fell in love. Lexi’s family is very wedding oriented. Rae doesn’t know if she believes in marriage. “We’re not perfect and we’re never going to be, but I’m scared that you don’t know how to be okay with that,” says Lexi, and I wondered if Rae would have those concerns with someone else.

Lexi and Rae both have a connection with Vanessa, which I think that says a lot about their own connection. When they get engaged, I’m not surprised. Despite their new connections, that was always teh shared goal. There was always hesitancy with Mal.

Couple 4: Mildred and Tiff (almost 2yrs)

Met through a hashtag on Instagram. Mildred made the ultimatum, saying “If she wants to keep this spice in her life, she needs to put a ring on it.” They break up a lot and it makes Tiff feel discarded. They communicate poorly. Tiff wants to fix that before marriage.

During their trial marriage, they fight and effectively break up, then make out. It’s part of a pattern of sex to forget their problems. In the end, they have a deep deep talk about Mildred always leaving, seemingly promising to do better, but post-show became physically violent and they no longer speak. Mildred was arrested for domestic abuse. It was always toxic, but now Tiff has the wherewithall to stay away.

Couple 5: Aussie and Sam (1.5yrs)

Sam wants to be married, wants the commitment, the bling. Aussie wants to live together for five years, then think about it. It’s amazing to me this is the couple that survived. They seem to both really love and care about each other. Deeply. Completely. It’s a cold-feet thing.

After their separation, Aussie doesn’t quite like the vocalness of Sam, but they both learn communication is key for keeping each other.

I would not be able to handle Aussie’s walk-away tendency during arguments. They’re trying, but I think they need a lot of therapy before they can be in a long term relationship. They get engaged at the end. I do believe Aussie is receiving help. We’ll see how their relationship grows (or doesn’t).

TEMPORARY LOVERS

Couple 1: Xander and Yoly

Xander’s arms are already around her a few minutes in, massaging her. Yoly is not used to enjoying physical touch, but does with Xander. I think their relationship is great. They are hot and heavy and cuddling everywhere, but I don’t think it’s just a physical relationship. The touch embodies a safety they feel because they want teh same future. It’s simple compatibility. They even say “I love you.” They have a tear-filled one-sided breakup and I wish they would have chosen each other.

Couple 2: Vanessa and Rae

This relationship was just loose friendship, sexual chemistry, and chaos. Rae gave Vanessa attention. The end.

The fact that Rae called Lexi immediately after sex with Vanessa says a lot about their connection and continued love, but I don’t think she had to. They’re broken up. Why should Lexi tell her family? I don’t understand. This is what they signed up for. It just made everything really messy.

Rae apologized to Mal for bringing her sex life into Mal’s new relationship and Mal was an absolute Queen. Like “you’re okay, don’t apologize, work on your own shit. Do you.” I feel like Rae needed that.

Couple 3: Lexi and Mal

First impressions: they’re perfect. They start snuggling immediately. It’s the same Xander and Yoli comfortability. And yet they don’t do anything sexual because they both see a future with their former partner. Understandable.

I love how Mal supports Lexi through emotions about Rae and Vanessa having sex. She supports her. Even after the engaggement, they’re friends. I don’t know if they’ll date in the future. It seems like their moment may have passed.

Couple 4: Mildred and Aussie

They’re in interesting match. I don’t quite understand either of them, so at first I proposed their connection made sense. They struggle to split the chores and treat their relationship like a marriage.

Mildred asks Sam how she gets Aussie to communicate and I laughed way too hard. Who asks someone’s ex that? Who asks for relationship advice from someone that proposed marriage to your partner? And yet, Same was actually were super helpful and supportive of each other. That’s when I knew Sam and Aussie might actually work out.

When Aussie feels conflicted about Mildred, she leaves the room. Then, the following morning, she moves out without notice. Aussie just doesn’t know how to confront anything and Mildred doesn’t knwo how not to. They could be a match and compliment each other with this, teach each other, but they don’t. Neither of them really grows in this department.

Couple 5: Sam and Tiff

Sam does not like Tiff’s dog, possibly not dogs in general, trying to be open-minded but it’s just not working. They starts falling apart quickly in the beginning, but find a foothold for communication and actually start enjoying one another’s company. But it never becomes sexual. It’s always more of a friendship. They meet Tiff’s friend and they agree to try some kind of intimacy, but it doesn’t actually work. In the reunion, Same offers support for Tiff after being gaslit by Mildred. I think their friendship has potential. They push each other.

4 stars

EXTRA THOUGHTS

• Vanessa’s extensions by the pool were so so so noticeable. Like a totally different color. How did no one tell her. Maybe Xander never really did love her.

• I’m sorry, did Vanessa decide to get her nipples pierced on tv? On the first day of living with a new partner? WILD to me!

• Why did they film Season 2 and 3 together, one straight, one not. Was Season 3 the back-up plan if Netflix thought diversity was no longer the move? If so, tsk tsk Netflix. I hear Season 3 is a zzzz.