Golden Boy: Bachelor S28 Premiere
You might’ve noticed my delightful Bachelor ABC recaps have been missing from the internet. To be honest, it was a lot. I am admittedly a self-proclaimed Bachelor expert. I’ve seen it all (almost). I am a granny in the Bachelor Nation. But every grandma needs some time off to rest her hip. Do I have any idea who Joey is? No. Do I care? No. He looks like a golden retriever personified, with curly brown hair and “I’m searching for love” written across his forehead. So, I decided to call off my bachelor dry spell. Sue me!
From the previews, of course, ABC is teasing drama, but I’m getting an incredibly genuine vibe from Joey. That’s been hard to find the last few seasons. Maybe from Gerry on The Golden Bachelor, but we’ve all heard rumors about that too (even though it didn’t stop every woman from getting in on the wedding press).
I’m excited to be jumping back into the swing of it and so are you. Here are my opinions on the woman from Night 1:
LEXI - First one out of the limo is a glittery Canadian. She has a health condition that causes infertility, which I’m sure will be a topic this season. He admittedly feels very drawn to her.
RACHEL - She’s Hawaiian and gives him a lay, missing a great joke.
MARIA - Another Canadian already! She has divorced parents and is ready to stop casually dating. She gave him a Canadian flag and then blurred it out. She said she doesn’t want to kiss him because “so many” girls already have—until they do. Very over-the-top in an odd way. She’s not going to be popular with the girls.
ERIKA - Brought her own speaker and music, which I loved, showing off her moves. She drops that she’s willing to move to Hawaii for him.
AUTUMN - She asks his favorite season and he says spring. That’s a lot of expectations on a stranger, especially with only a 25% chance.
KELSEY A. - From New Orleans and brought a voodoo doll. It could be seen as quirky, but I thought it was creepy. “I like boys that treat me nice, that are nice,” was refreshingly healthy.
CHRISSA - Another Canadian! What is going on this season? And he was feeling the sparkly dress.
CHANDLER - Made a punny Friends joke that was cute.
MARLENA - Unmemorable.
STARR - Brought in a butterfly box, but missed out on doing something memorable with stars.
TALYAH - I’m sorry, gave a Save the Date to their wedding?! August 20, 2024. Might have to cancel her reservation.
NAT - Professor and nurse from—you guessed it—Canada! Was this in his request form? Glad she went home because after poking fun at so many girls at their house for their entrances, seemingly to impress her fellow women as the Top B* on Campus, I was done.
SANDRA - “We’re going to build this relationship on trust.” Love.
SAM - First to make a “package” joke and he awkwardly smiles through it.
ALLISON - Has a big family, so she’s “used to sharing,” though probably not usually a boyfriend. But, that’s about to change because she signed up with her older sister, LAUREN.
LAUREN - The sibling rivalry is already brewing with the kiss-talk. This is not going to end well. Someone is not invited to next year’s family reunion. They shotgun a beer out of the limo and she crushes it. When getting the last rose, she just complains Allison got one first. It doesn’t seem healthy at all.
KATELYN - She brought a full-blown experiment with goggles. Super personalized and cute.
KELSEY T - She seems sweet and warm, but there was nothing super memorable about the entrance.
JENN - Drove in on a go-cart not-so-well. Taking a leave from the Peace Core.
JESS - Came in on a boat towed by a truck. She knows so much about him before they’ve even met, which is how the show is structured, but it still comes off as a lot. But he admittedly likes her taste for adventure, sharing the first kiss of the night, and then her telling everyone about it.
LANIE - Whipped cream pun intro with dogs.
EDWINA - Dessert taste.
SAMANTHA - Dough toss.
TAYLOR - She brought a giant bra! Like GIANT. It came off as a little ridiculous, not in a cute way. She also seems very bitter and jealous of the other women already. Not a great look this early on.
KYRA - Sounds like she simply screamed. That’s one way to get his attention.
ZOE - She asked him to measure his genitalia based on banana slices.
KAYLA - Practiced her “tennis grunts” from the limo.
EVALIN - I’m sensing this man likes tennis. She came in on an umpire chair. While moving. I’d be terrified to fall over!
SYDNEY - Tennis Hall of Fame mention.
MADINA - Gets out of a limo full of tennis balls.
DAISY - Super cute and personalized. She came in driving a vintage truck with a Christmas tree in the back, growing up on a Christmas Tree Farm a la Taylor Swift. She started going deaf a few years ago and recently got a cochlear implant. I love how genuine she is, saying “Someone should have told me this is America’s Next Top Model.” She’s admittedly overwhelmed by the amount of women and noise happening. He’s “captivated” from the beginning, sharing the second kiss of the night. She’s already a fan favorite online, even Hannah Godwin calling it.
LEA - The girl with the card. They met on “After the Final Rose” from Charity’s season, when Bachelor Joey was revealed. She waits to open the surprise (a chance to steal a 1-on-1 date) but ultimately decides to throw it in the fire. If she ends up with Joey she wants it to be genuine. I really like that. And it gets her the first impression rose.
ROSES: Leah, Allison, Daisy, Kelsey T., Lexi, Jess, Jenn, Autumn, Chrissa, Kelsey A., Katelyn, Rachel, Erika, Edwina, Medina, Sydney, Starr, Marlena, Maria, Taylor, Evalin, and Lauren.
HOLY COW there are a lot of women. 37 to start, 21 to go. I can barely keep track, but we’ll get used to it. Keep following along the blog for the *best* opinions on Bachelor Joey and his potential doubles partner.
