It’s Ad Time: Bachelorette Men Tell All
Bitches and witches, we’re headed to Salem.
Before the Men Tell All begins and the men are allowed to spill the tea, we catch up with Rachel and AVEN in Salem, MA. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t recognize the b-roll immediately. I was SO excited for this date. Maybe it’s the New England girlie in me, but I feel like New England is underutilized by The Bachelor Franchise. Like, why do 15 girls have to fake-rave about Cleveland, Ohio when they can explore the Fruitlands Museum in Harvard, Harvard University in Cambridge, or the Bush Family’s favorite vacation spot in Kennebunkport? I digress—
Rachel was definitely on edge after TINO’s hometown last week, and she had reason to be. Aven’s dad came in hard, but Rachel held her own and had her answers ready to the typical “after the show” question: “A much as it a fantasy, it’s all about getting to that point of engagement. In reality, for me, it’s serious because when I get engaged that’s it for me.” He was impressed and so was I. Just wish last week would have gone over so well.
Afterward, Aven tells Rachel he’s falling in love with her. They’re smiley and kissing, and Rachel admits she is so. There is no rose ceremony. All 3 guys are heading to Fantasy Suites on both sides. Jesse tells us if we really want to see the rose ceremony, we can watch it on abc.com. It’s a very odd thing to cut. It’s kind of the show’s whole thing. The roses. But they seem very rushed to show the Men Tell All. Maybe they were worried to cram all the ads in.
MEN TELL ALL
First impressions, I’m a little underwhelmed. It feels like they didn’t even invite the people with the most drama this season. CHRIS. HAYDEN. ROBY showed up with a wild bleach blonde haircut and looked a lot more like the cool famous magician he’s supposed to be than the hobbyist portrayed on screen, even getting at it with Ethan a bit about the women (even though he wasn’t there past Night 1).
When LOGAN gets in the hot seat and Jesse flat-out roasts him, joking “Tell me if I get this right. You flirted with Gabby and Rachel. You made out with both Gabby and Rachel. And then you joined team Rachel, until you didn’t.”
I get the air that Jesse’s not too serious. Already with a ready invitation to Paradise, I feel like LOGAN is the new Connor from Katie’s season. Producers just really want him to happen, to become popular with Bachelor Nation, putting him in every show and drama to boost his stardom. Jesse even gives a sincere “Thank you” for showing up to the Men Tell All like he’s contractually obligated to. Stop trying to make fetch happen!
When NATE gets in the hot seat, he can barely make it through the summary video, crying on stage as their relationship plays on screen.
“Nate makes me feel special in a way that nobody else has here and I think throughout this whole time ‘how did you become some emotionally intelligent, because it’s just not common for men,” Gabby commends.
Their connection was solid and I was surprised to see him go last episode. He addresses the recent rumors of his possibly-shady relationship past. The man was casually dating some women for fun and sex. It’s not unheard of. Is it great to lead someone on? No. But they were never committed. He was never monogamous. And yet, they grilled him more than LOGAN in the hot seat, who actively on-camera said he wanted roses from both women, just for the sake of getting both women to like him. I see that as worse. There is malice behind LOGAN’s in my eyes, as opposed to NATE maybe avoiding the truth to avoid things getting serious. LOGAN actively tried to pin friends against each other for social and monetary gain. Gross.
“I think truly great men make other men better, and you made me better, just talking to you,” ALEC says from the peanut gallery. It feels like NATE was a mature and moral influence on the house.
I was a bit underwhelmed by the whole episode. My favorite part was Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane going over bloopers and awkward dating moments of the show, both of them turned on by MEATBALL’s marinara strip-tease from episode 2. And then, he just had to reenact it for everyone, Gabby chanting in the background as MEATBALL poured a giant jar of sauce over his body and hair. The crowd lost t like the final touchdown to a Super Bowl, tacking Billy.
“This is the best moment on tv,” Gabby laughed.
And we finally get that big news that’s been teased for the past few episodes, possibly the biggest let-down of any Bachelor promise thus-far, “News that would change their lives forever” in the words of Jesse Palmer. A free cruise. Not for everyone. For the actors in the audience. This whole season has been a giant ad for Virgin Voyages so I’m not super surprised but it was absolutely classless and people on the internet were outraged.
On the bright side, my life didn’t change all that much from that announcement so I’ll still be here to recap next week. It looks like a doozy.
